More Muskrat

i have been cutting my own hair for the last five years. a mixture of being too poor to pay a professional and my own sort of mourning ceremony.   sometimes i laugh at the ridiculousness of all of this: top curated list of all the shit i try to avoid as i scroll down…

kiwetinohk ohci

stop at the edge of everything – bend down and stick your hands in the dirt. grab a fist full of soil and pull it close: inhale. this earth has been here since before nicâpân set one foot in front of the other. southerners from the city keep calling these lands a wasteland because in…

sakihakan

take my hand and sit down I want to explore your skin cells maybe it will hurt i don’t know let them impress you i feel like i’ve been on the same racetrack for too long chasing after ideals that aren’t chasing after me let them impress you i’ve lost myself inside trying to be…

micihciy

my hands are small with short fingers a short attention span and a long temper   my hands have driven trucks down back country roads with windows down and laughter echoing over canola yellow fields this one is for my body my hands have held the fingers of lovers and entwined their hair these hands…

pâhpowin

i wonder if it’s disrespectful to be depressed on someone else’s territory cree cackles are the melody to halfbreed sadness can this land hold us wholly i keep writing to create a different world but i don’t know if you can create worlds using this language that is punctuated with its history of forced syntax…

mitêh

there’s a cheyenne saying that reads: “a nation is not conquered until the hearts of its women are on the ground.” i think sometime ago my ancestor, she buried her heart in the soil.   she buried her generations of love and her generations of anger in northern prairie earth letting the roots rend her…

learning to ride a bike

  today i started to learn how to ride a bike i hate it so much that i google if bikes are a form of colonization i’m waiting for summer to melt to fall we’re all hoping to make it to the next season unscathed i managed to fall into the bushes without even moving…

kīwāc

every sunday i read your horoscope and then mine and it’s not written in the stars that they will even match up inside my stomach there is a birch bark box inside a birch bark box inside i keep thinking that maybe if i continue reading about moons and suns and venus in capricorn that…

there’s no word for decolonial love in my language

maybe i’m an eternal optimist i have entangled my fingers in the hair of others searching for signs of life i have traced capillaries on the back of arms following them like trap lines in the dead of winter i’m sorry that my self realization had to happen on your back but your back was…

iskwew

my kokum used to tell me: “if you wear your shoes on the wrong feet a bear will eat you.” when i moved to the city my kokum cried because cities have never been kind to us and there are threats bigger than bears chasing a toddler with her left shoe on her right foot….

otāskanaw

1095 days is a long time but so is 500 years I feel like i’ve been carrying this longing under my skin since a muskrat dived beneath the flood to grab dirt in our language we say “you are loved by me” i am still a visitor to the words that exist in my body…

askīy

i have bent myself backwards trying to find a place for myself inside of being                         b e a u t i f u l i have broken fingers and snapped tendons trying to make myself smaller. hoping to get by unnoticed and noticed but when you have this much history buried under your skin you’re…