askīy

i have bent myself

backwards

trying to find

a place for myself

inside of being                         b e a u t i f u l

i have

broken fingers

and snapped tendons

trying to make myself smaller.

hoping to get by unnoticed

and noticed

but when you have this much history

buried

under your skin

you’re never small enough

to be hidden

maybe there’s too much

historical hurt

and anger and maybe –

you can’t understand that

anger and love are intertwined

and there is a reason

we burn winter dead brush in the spring

so that the summer

can bring

new growth

we were never taught

how to ask

someone else

to help carry our bones

when they are too heavy

instead we were given the

sinew to sew ourselves

back together

and keep moving

because winter

arrives hard

and we need to find camp.

this body is not an apology

but i think it’s been apologizing

since time immemorial

for loneliness and transgressions

it doesn’t even understand

rivers flood valleys in the spring

to create

new life

this land has never been interested

in being small

and subtle

 

 

 

 

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