learning to ride a bike

 

today i started to learn

how to ride a bike

i hate it so much

that i google

if bikes are a form of

colonization

i’m waiting for summer

to melt to fall

we’re all hoping to

make it to the next season

unscathed

i managed to fall

into the bushes

without even moving

i have bruises on my thighs

from trying to

balance myself

if growing has taught me anything

it’s that you can survive any change

by embracing

your body’s natural ability

to adapt

i laugh loudly

from the bushes i fall into

and pick twigs out of my hair

and try again to balance

on the too high seat

feeling isolated and alone

is easy when you’ve learned how

to make friends

with your intrusive thoughts

it’s easier to balance

if you have momentum

but that would mean

i have to leave the comfort

of our backyard

and the promised cushion of falling on soft grass

kotawiw pisim

means eclipse

kotawiw means

he burrows himself under and

disappears

i realize it’s ridiculous

that i’m learning a basic skill

most people learned as children

in my mid-twenties

it’s easier to fall down

when you’re a child

 it’s easier to laugh at yourself

when you’re older

the amount

of half-finished cbt worksheets

that are sitting on my desk

are giving me anxiety

and i am aware

of the irony

the next time i try

i agree that i will

take the bike to the back-alley

despite the promise of

falling on hard cement

i can’t start a worksheet

unless i have perfectly

printed my name and date on the top

and if it’s too messy

i have to throw it out

and start again

“i will hold the back”

“and i will hold the front”

“we will help you balance

so you can get a feel

of what it’s like to try and pedal”

most things are too messy

so i have to throw them out

and start again

i find it touching

and charming

that two women

are offering to hold

the handlebars

and seat

of a grown person

in order to help her balance

i’m sure a women studies undergrad

would call this

feminism

it’s a funny punishment

to be both a

tender

and hard

thing

maybe it is feminism

i don’t know when

the season cycle

begins and ends

but i know there are more than four

changes that happen in a year

because we have words for the in-betweens

i’ve never cared much

for discourse

but we have plans

for someone to hold the handlebars

and for someone to hold the seat

so i can

lift my feet off the ground

there are no

in-betweens

in english

i tell them both

that i hate learning

how to ride a bike

“no one likes learning

how to ride a bike”

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s